Jay Kelly: Adam Sandler and a Mannequin Go to Italy

January 2025

 

What happened Noah Baumbach?

 

Did you have a stroke?

 

Because how else to explain how the director of The Meyerowitz Stories, Margot at the Wedding, and Marriage Story...

 

Put out Jay Kelly...

 

In which nothing happens...

 

Except George Clooney looks good...

And cries at the end...

 

And BTW... Clooney ...

 

You need to lighten up a bit on the spray tan...

 

And who knew Hollywood really does use Sharpies to fill in the eyebrows of their stars...

 

Oh wait...

 

I’ve been suspecting that for a while...

 

And now I’m pretty sure that explains the awful eyebrows on Sandra Bullock in The Bullet Train...

 

But seriously, Baumbach...

 

You had Adam Sandler...

 

Yes... I know...

 

But there are two Adam Sandlers...

The one who shows up in those stupid comedies I can’t stand to sit through...

 

And the Adam Sandler in The Meyerowitz Stories...

And Uncut Gems...

 

And it was Noah Baumbach who first convinced me ....

That Sandler could be more than a clown...

And was actually a decent dramatic actor...

By casting him in The Meyerowitz Stories...

 

But Baumbach gave him absolutely nothing to do in Jay Kelly but stand around...

And talk to his family on the phone...

 

What a waste...

 

But maybe it is hard for any actor to shine...

When they are acting with a mannequin...

Which is all Clooney is in this film...

 

And Noah... you even had a great cast of supporting characters...

Laura Dern, Greta Gerwig, Stacy Keach, and Eve Hewson...

 

But they just looked like they were dropped in as cameos...

To give us something to do....

 

While we sat through two hours of a film...

That had a thin plot...

 

And looked like Baumbach was mostly using it as an excuse to go to Italy...

Where most of this film takes place...

 

But Noah... I know you can do better...

 

So try harder next time...

 

And maybe don’t hire Clooney...

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